I saw a really funny article yesterday on Mom’s you might meet in carpool. It made me start thinking about all the types of Moms I might run into at my kids school orientations this week. Here is my list …Do any of these sound familiar?
1. The Martyr Mom
This mom volunteers for everything and reminds you, every time you see her, that she does it for you. Is it my problem that this woman cannot say “No”? You might hear “Someone has to do it for the sake of our children” come out of this Mom’s mouth, hourly. She acts like she gave my child her kidney instead of handing out fruit snacks.
2. Mom Au Natural
“Oh please do not throw that plastic bottle in the regular trash can … we have special bins for that. You DO want to save the earth, right?” This is also the Mom that breast-fed her child until kindergarten and looks at you like you killed someone if you didn’t. Did I mention that this Mom has a distinct odor because deodorant causes cancer and she doesn’t wear a bra?
3. Teenager Mom
No – this is not the same thing as a Teen Mom (don’t deny you watch this). This is the mom who still dresses like she is in her teens. No grown woman needs to have on a mini-skirt with a boob tube and heels at their child’s school. I am happy for you that you think you can still pull this off – but really, believe me when I tell you this … you do not look good and your kid hates it.
4. Competitive Mom
This mom is always trying to “one-up” everyone. It might be about money or cars, but it is most likely about kids. They will ask you about your kids grades, how fast they run the mile or what team they made. They are not really interested – they just want to tell you what their kid did. This is where you smile and nod … you cannot win. I like to tell great, big, fat lies to this mom – my kid gets straight A’s and should probably be in college, could have gone to the Olympics for the mile and could go Pro next year but we have decided not to take away their childhood. This will shut her up real quick.
5. Bully Mom
It is their way or the highway. Don’t get in this mom’s way cuz she will run you down. She is loud, opinionated and will stop at nothing to get her point across. This mom usually leads many groups at school and is “best friends” with the principal – like I give a shit.
6. Chatty Mom
Please God – stop talking! I have zoned you out after minute 7 … I am in the middle of a crowded hallway and I have to pee. This is where you give your best friend the “please help me look”. The best is when you and your friend get cornered by Chatty Mom and you excuse yourself and leave best friend alone with the Chatter. They will give you a big hug later for pulling that stunt. It is hilarious.
7. Frazzled Mom
You know the Mom that is always running around like a chicken with their head cut off? Always super super busy – no time to talk – gotta get little Johnny or Susie to practice or band or tutoring or swim lessons or ….
8. Drama Mama
This is the Mom who cries at everything! ”Can you believe it? This is the absolute worst!” This Mom sees the glass as half empty 99% of the time and is basically nuts! She will cry at a paper cut because she is sure that the cut will become infected and her hand will have to be amputated and how will she ever wrap all her Christmas presents with a hook for a hand?
What kind of Mom are you? I hate to admit it but I could be any of these Moms depending on the day and who has pissed me off. I am off to school orientation in my mini-skirt and no bra. Wish me luck!!
Hope your life is more cool mom heaven than crazy mom havoc!
I am posting at these parties this week: